How to Make Sure Your Gorgeous Date Asks You Out Again

asAfter a long period being out of the dating scene twenty-nine year-old magazine editor Harriet was ready to try again. She had begun to feel the sap rising in her and met someone who was well dressed, had a wonderful voice and that chemistry that made her heart race. At last she was getting attention from someone she was attracted to rather than those other guys who couldn’t get girls and talked to her because she was ‘nice.’

Sitting across the table with thirty-two year old photographer Jerome was magic. He was so good-looking and suave, intelligent and worldly. Those features made Harriet feel like she was in good company and was somebody!

Her amber lights turned green making room for the relationship to flow.

But when he started asking questions about her to get to know her better, Harriet felt a tightening in her chest. She wanted to hold back and stay reserved. Too much information would make her vulnerable and he may judge her negatively and never see her again.

Red light #1: being reserved and holding back. Jerome felt the wall going up. He felt coldness and his interest died off.

Harriet liked the compliments Jerome gave her about her looks, her hair and her poise. It turned her light from red to green and opened up the connection between them.

But at the same time she got a choking feeling in her throat that she was being set up to be his sexual conquest for the night so he could boast to his friends about how easy she was. The compliments turned into daggers which made her curl up her shoulders; put her hand over her face in an attempt to hide.

Red light #2: reacting to compliments as if they were threats. Jerome felt pushed back and at a loss as to how to relate to her.

Harriet loved the fact that he was knowledgeable about the music she loved and wanted to share his collections with her. Once again the red light turned green and her heart was open and excited.

But almost as soon as the light turned green and Jerome felt welcome Harriet felt a pain in her chest. It was as if she had been pierced in the ribs, and one of her lungs had been punctured. The idea of being in his place listening to his music collections made her feel like she was going to be doped and raped.

Red light #3: reacting to an invitation to share a mutual pleasure as a danger signal. Jerome felt punched in the face and could barely look at her for the rest of the evening.

Jerome didn’t ask her out again. He didn’t see her to her car. He didn’t suggest they stay in contact. He just said goodnight and went away.

Harriet was devastated. This gorgeous hunk wasn’t interested. He didn’t even ask if he could call her again. He left it all up to her. She felt cheated and upset that he wouldn’t take the initiative and ask for more dates.

Harriet gave so many red light signals to Jerome that he backed off. His interest and willingness to share, to compliment all went down like a ton of bricks after an initial burst of pleasure. He was hurt, confused and felt not good enough for Harriet.

So how can you get your date to ask you out again?

  1. Put your clear view 3D emotional lens on when you go out on a date.
  2. Use the lens to zoom in on all your feelings as they come up.
  3. Check to see whether those feelings fit the current situation or are just relics of the past, interfering with the present.
  4. Ask yourself the one big question that will make or break this experience: do you like your date and want more? If yes, put your green light on auto pilot and let it shine. Don’t worry about the red and amber lights. They will kick in if there is any real danger. You don’t need to do double duty.

The 9 Questions To Ask A Guy To Find Out If He Is The One For You

dwLet’s be honest most women feel that they are at a disadvantage when dating men. Invariably dating is an enigma and we have no idea what we are doing. As much as we try to look like we know how to seduce men the reality is we are busting our butts to date with success.

Dating isn’t about getting a guy to like you, he should already like you – you are a Queen! Dating also isn’t about letting a man take the lead. You should take the reins and keep your cards close to your chest.

If you want to date a guy, you’re already attracted to him so all you need to do is assess if he is compatible with you. Below is a dating blue print to use to help you decipher if a guy is compatible with you.

Think about what questions you can use to

1 prove his trust

2 prove that he wants a relationship

3 prove that he wants kids (if you want kids)

4 prove that he is single

5 prove that he isn’t a mysoginyst

6 prove that he isn’t a criminal

7 prove that he encourages a woman to pursue her dreams and career

8 prove that he is goal orientated and wants to get places in his life

9 prove that he isn’t jealous

These are examples of some of the questions you need to ask but what you ask will depend largely on what you want from a guy. If you want a man who doesn’t have children then you will need to ask questions that get to the truth. Now, don’t take what a man says as gospel, you must constantly be testing his honesty and integrity. Every time you ask a question, make sure you follow that up with a similar question in a different context to get to the truth. We all put on a front when we date, and men will say nearly anything just to get in your pants as quickly as possible. That is why you must screen over several weeks and several dates (meaning more than 3) before you get physical with a guy.

Don’t be like most women who stop screening early because they hate dating and just want to be in a relationship. Men know women hate dating and they use that as ammunition. Be shrewd and date with your head not your heart.

How to Ask A Woman Out On a Date

deThere is a simple secret to asking a woman out on a date that will not place a man in that kind of intimidating situation with the fear of rejection from her. In fact, this secret will increase the chance of getting a woman out on a date by 100%.

The secret is “DON’T ask her for a date”.

That’s right. Don’t ask for a date. If a man don’t ask a woman for a date, there is no chance that he will get rejected by the woman. Simple as that. Now, many will be scratching their head at this point. If we don’t ask a woman for a date, how are we supposed to date them?

Before answering that, let me quickly explain why it is a bad idea to ask a woman for a date. If a man ask for a date with a woman, it automatically triggers a defence mechanism in her. Her mind will go into overdrive, with all her thoughts whirling around. She will think about whether it is safe, whether the guy has other intentions, whether the date would be awkward like her previous one and whether she is sure she wants to start dating the guy etc. In the end, she will likely reject him on the spot, come up with an excuse or accept and then back out later.

Unless the woman is very attracted to the man, which is unlikely if they had just met and only had a five minutes conversation, a date will seem to be too much and too soon for her.

So, instead of asking a woman directly for a date which triggers her defence mechanism, try something that is less direct. For example, if you know that she is into tennis, you could try something like this: “Hey, I know of a great fun place to play tennis at. I play there every Saturday morning with some friends. If you give me your number, I might invite you along for a game next time”. Saying something like this don’t require her immediate answer and so there won’t be a rejection from her. It also sounds like it is something fun and in a group which might pique her interest in joining especially if it is something that she already enjoys doing.

The other beauty of this secret technique is that a man won’t have to spend over fifty dollars on a dinner and a movie with a woman who might not go on a second date with him again.

Ask a woman to accompany you on places where she knows she is going to have fun and excitement. Not dates. No stress on her. Will not invoke her defence mechanism. No need for rejection. So instead of asking a woman for a date, ask her to join you on an adventure or let her in on your lifestyle. There will be better chances for a woman to understand and accept a man this way.

What to Do and What Not to Do

ewDating is not just an art. It is an event. Dating can be a very special time for two people who have an interest in each other.

Dating begins as a “search and seek out mission” before it can evolve into something else. Both parties agree to look into who they are with to see if it goes any further.

Below are some does for dating;

1) Commit to having fun – be ready to laugh, smile and have a good time. A date can only get better if you both enjoy where you are and each other’s company. At the end of the date it would be great if you both could smile and be glad you were together.

2) Commit to keeping it light – stay away from heavy discussions (so what happened to cause your divorce? How did it feel losing your parents in that car accident?). The reason you want it light is you are still feeling each other out. You have not invested enough into your date’s emotional bank to make a heavy emotional withdrawal. The only way to get into deep conversations is to invest time. Take it slow.

3) Show yourself – Here is the time to start letting the real you out. People who date tend to frown upon being with people who seem one way and over time realize they are someone else. Be yourself. Not too wild and crazy but the real you.

4) Talk about yourself and listen – When it comes to having a conversation with a new person there are two things to keep in mind; can you talk to them and will they listen to you? Talk about yourself a little bit first and monitor how well they listen. Then flip the script and listen as they tell you about themselves.

Here are a few don’ts;

1) Be boring- Talk. Engage. Interact. Nothing is worse than being on a date that is so boring you can’t stay awake yourself. If that happens, cut it short. Do both of you a favor.

2) Being preoccupied- Stop texting, playing games on your phone or talking to others when on a date. They deserve your undivided attention so give it to them. Pay attention.

3) Using vulgar language – We all know grown people can cuss. But ladies and gentlemen are above such petty behavior and can speak without resorting to swear words. Show off your wide vocabulary.

4) Pushing excessive physical contact – Make each touch light and non threatening. I know I want my personal space protected so strangers cannot come in and make themselves at home. Surest way to end a date early. Getting too close too fast.